


You're Only as Alone as You Make Yourself

by hakyeons



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-16
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2018-01-08 22:29:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1138177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hakyeons/pseuds/hakyeons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hakyeon’s used to taking care of everyone. It’s his job. But while they all have him watching their backs, no one’s there to watch his back. (Or so Hakyeon thinks)</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Only as Alone as You Make Yourself

Hakyeon’s used to taking care of everyone.

It’s his job. He has responsibilities as a leader, he’d accepted that when he’d debuted with VIXX, of course. It’s like a written contract, only it’s not written, and it’s much more complex.

Make sure everyone else is comfortable, always be friendly and respectful whether it’s to seniors or to rookies, speak when no one else wants to, do things even if he doesn’t feel like it, monitor and work with the others to keep VIXX focused and going strong, work harder than he’s ever worked before in his life.

It had started out easy because Hakyeon was younger, full of enthusiasm.

Now, he wonders when it got to be this tiring.

Waking up at the crack of dawn and only getting a few hours of sleep, if any. Schedules every day, performances and interviews, preparations for showcases, practice, and more practice.

Hakyeon’s finding it increasingly difficult to keep his usual optimism. Especially on his own, like this.

But he keeps to himself, anyway. He can’t bother anyone else with his thoughts. They’re already stressed as it is. They work hard and they put up with this lifestyle, as well, so he needs to deal with it. He knows that.

But while they all have him watching their backs, no one’s there to take care of him. So he bothers himself, in the end.

That only makes it worse.

To some extent, even though he’s constantly surrounded by people, always cheered on by fans, always alongside his bandmates, Hakyeon finds that he’s never felt more lonely.

You chose this, he tells himself. You only have yourself to blame.

This is how it has to be, Hakyeon concludes.

Deal with your own problems, figure out how to cope with everything on your own. He chuckles bitterly under his breath. Yes, this is always how it has to be.

Hakyeon does it without thinking.

Reaches into his back pocket and grabs the pack of cigarettes he’s been secretly keeping there, fits one to his lips, pulls out the lighter that’s snugly tucked into his jacket.

He breathes deeply, allowing the smoke to fill his lungs before he lets out a cough and then tosses the cigarette onto the ground, smushing it under his foot with a sigh. “Alone, as always…” He mutters.

But not this time.

“When did you start smoking?” Hakyeon’s caught off guard. He never expects anyone to find him when he goes off on his own, and certainly not Taekwoon. He glances up and is met by pursed lips and narrowed eyes.

Suddenly, Hakyeon feels embarrassed. So embarrassed that his face is flushing and his ears are turning red. “Ah, j-just recently,” He says, forcing a laugh. But it’s so strained and unnatural, and Taekwoon shakes his head in such a disapproving manner, that he wishes he hadn’t. “I-I needed something to distract myself-”

“You really shouldn’t.”

Maybe it’s the way Taekwoon says it, Hakyeon doesn’t really know, but somehow he’s locking gazes with Taekwoon and he reads something there. Underneath the sternness and the searing disappointment that Hakyeon had made such a poor choice.

“I’m worried about you.”

That’s what Taekwoon really wants to say.

“It’s so unhealthy.” Taekwoon says.

But Hakyeon hears what he really means.

“I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

And without realizing it, Hakyeon’s crying.

It only takes half a second for Taekwoon’s arms to wrap tightly around him, and for Hakyeon to bury his face into into the crook of Taekwoon’s neck.

He’d been so stupid.

Of course he’s not alone. Taekwoon is here for him. VIXX is here for him. There’s no reason he should have to suffer by himself.

It also only take a few seconds of Taekwoon’s lips pressed gently against Hakyeon’s, and a few pecks to wet cheeks for Hakyeon’s tears to cease.

“I’m sorry,” Taekwoon whispers softly.

“What for?” Hakyeon asks, fingers playing with the edge of Taekwoon’s sweater.

“That I wasn’t here sooner.” Taekwoon says. Hakyeon wonders if, by ‘here’, he means by Hakyeon’s side at this moment or if he means ‘here’ to take care of Hakyeon from the start. Either way, Hakyeon doesn’t really think it matters.

“You’re here now.” Is his reply.

He doesn’t protest when Taekwoon removes the pack of cigarettes and the lighter from his pocket and disposes of them.


End file.
